So, first things first, thing have gotten a bit better with my current situation. I guess me and my teacher's family have come to a silent agreement where we can both be content in what we are doing. A good thing that happened: I got my graphic design job back! so happy about that. I asked my boss if i could work, even for free tbh, because no other job here in the island was taking me, and I honestly did not wanted to stay in my teacher's house doing nothing, so I got hired back again. I still get paid, but very little. I don't mind, since I know the business has been having a hard time due to the virus, and also the overwhelming competition. I'm just glad I'm able to get out of this house and do something for once, instead of letting the days pass.

Having a job gives purpose to my life, as cheesy as that sounds. I can look forward to the weekends, and I can do things and enjoy them fully, since I know I'll be going back to work. It's really strange, but it has been a welcomed change.

I've also realized something else: doing freelance locally drains my spirit. Maybe I'm not good at placing rules for myself (because im too nice) and let some things pass, but I've realized that people really will take advantage of you if you let them. I've realized why rules are important and why so many businesses have them in the first place. Terms of service allows for them to have their sanity and keep their clients in check. I'm on the process of making a terms of service for myself whenever I will decide to go back to doing freelance, mainly for my sanity. For some reason local clients are my worst nightmare. The clients I get online have been nothing but wonderful, but for some reason... whenever I decide to go local it's just a horrible experience every single time. something to think about i guess.

I've also been wondering... What is my passion? honestly, I have no idea. People keep asking me: what is your passion? what's your plan? what do you want to do in the future? and I just blank out at all of those questions. I like art, and design, but am I really passionate about them? Do I really want to to this for the rest of my life? what IS my plan? I really don't know. I enjoy drawing, but I can get easily burned out with it. I enjoy graphic design, but working with graphic design clients kills my spirit. My dream was to go to college and study graphic design and illustration, but now I'm reconsidering if this is what I really want to study given what i've experienced. I love working as a graphic designer in a company. But when it comes to freelancing, it sucks, everytime. I guess I just have to think about this things more thoroughly, and be honest to myself. Is this what I really want?

2020 has been a strange year.. and honestly? I cant wait for it to be over hahahaha. I'm hoping to be able to travel to the Netherlands this year in order to finally get out of my teacher's house and finally have a change to study over there, but things have been extremely complicated. I just hope things turn alright.

I guess this is it for now.